Where did my happy place go?

Since April I have lost weight every single month until November hit and I gained 3.4 pounds for the month :(   If you have been following my blog for any length of time you know I suffer from S.A.D.  November until March is when I suffer the most, it is awful but I really do try to stay optimistic.  

 

I am finding it harder and harder to go to my Weight Watchers meetings.  I had two friends that I went with for months.  And now I have no one to go with :(   One of my friends moved away to Halifax and the other one decided it wasn't for her plus she is moving away in January.  I also lost my workout buddy my cousin who moved 30 minutes out of town.   I know I am having a pity party but its hard sometime when things change.    I just LOVE Change lol  yeah right!! 

 

I also been having lower back problems and my glutes have been super tight.  This is partly from not stretching properly after running and working a lot more hours at work (which I also loathe)   I went to my chiropractor yesterday to get an adjustment and he said this is the worst he has ever seen me.  I was in tears because the pain was so bad.  I also started crying when he said I couldn't run.  Really??  This is what  helps me lose weight, clear my mind and keep me sane!!  I know there is a bunch of other exercises  I can do but I truly started to fall in love with running. My action plan is to powerwalk outside until I can run again.   Lift weights and really focus on my core and back and  to also start practicing yoga again.  

 

On Dec. 2 Rob and I decided to cut back on some unhealthy choices and this has helped me get back on track.   We decided to have no takeout,  no fast food and no eating at the restaurant where I work.  

 

A few week ago I had this confrontation with this older women at a grocery store near my apartment.   I drove into the park lot.  Parked my car and just as I was about to walk into the store this lady yells hey you cut me off!!  I said "Oh sorry."   She made a noise like she was unimpressed.   I grabbed what I needed at the store and walked back out and the lady was still in her car waiting to yell at me.  She said "you could have hit me!"  I said "look lady I am sorry I didn't mean too, but we are both fine and I really don't have time for this, I have to get to work."    She than gives me the finger!  By this time  I am super annoyed and say "oh that's real mature what are you 12??!"   Then she muffled something and I say pardon??  She says "well at least I am not overweight!!"   I am pissed that this women said this to me and said in return  some words I am not proud of  and got in my car and drove away.    Even typing this makes me angry.  I know this women means nothing to me but really what does my weight have to do with anything??  It also makes me think of the last conversation I had with my father  which was four years ago when he called me "a stupid fat cow!"  those were the last words I heard from my asshole of a father.   I have let go of a lot of hate and anger but sometimes it is hard to let go of those painful words people say to you.      

 

Thanks for reading.  Hopefully next time I will have a happier post.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sky is the limit

I gained 0.7 pounds last week.  Struggling but since April I have lost 30 pound.   I really want to be under 220.   I know this may sound strange but I am thinking of pretending that I am starting from scratch.  I am 223.6 as of now so starting from today this will be my new "starting weight".    For some reason I think I got it in my head that 30 pounds is a great loss and I am not pushing through!  I guess for me I have do this by increments.  Lol. whatever works right ?  Lol. So my new goals is to lose 20 pounds in three months. That would put me at 203.6.   That would be so wonderful!!  I can do this, even if these are the hardest months for me.   With my friends,family, Rob and YOUR support!  The sky is the limit :). 

Fly by post

Gained 0.2 pound this week.  I'm not overly upset it wasn't a great food week and I am glad I didn't gain a ton.   Time to step things up.  My goal is to lose 4 pounds a month.  I think this a realistic goal that I can totally accomplish.  

So far this week I have ran twice and practice yoga twice.  I tried anti-gravity which is strange and awkward but I am willing to give it a second try.   I also did Hot Yoga.  I was sweating buckets by the end of class. 

Here's a video of  anti gravity. Yep this what I did or tried to do lol

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdwqu_9llJ8


I forgot to post a picture of my Halloween Costume in my last post.  I was a sexy cookie monster :) 
I actually made a collage of the last 4 or 5 years.  Enjoy

Fuzzy picture just like our night lol
 

 

 

 

Clearing

Last week I was in a dark place.  Being too hard on myself and believing my life had no direction. This is something I struggle with daily.  In the past I am sure I have written that I was going to change my self talk and be more positive but it's not something I can shut off just like that.   I have been treating myself badly with self talk for years.  It is now something I truly want to change.   I believe this is why I put the weight on in the first place.    I want to silence all the worrying,  be kind to myself if I make a mistake,  love myself no matter where I am in my life.  This will be a challenge in it's self but I hope this will move me forward into the women I want to become.  

I came across a 21 day mediation on Oprah's website.   Looking forward to calming and clearing the mind. 

Thanks for reading

ps lost 2.5 pounds last week