Thursday, November 24, 2011

Change of Season

Sorry I did not post my  weekly weight in on Monday.  I  did weight myself, but I was not happy with the scale and to be honest I did not want to post the results.  But come on!!  I gotta be real with myself.  I gained 1.5 pounds last week.  So far this month I am up +0.5.    I know it because I eat too much and I am not dealing with my emotions.  

I was speaking to Jen (my BBF)  earlier this week and she made me realize that I have a lot going on in my life with night school,  homework, work, chriopractor, daily household stuff, gym, social life etc. and with me being down in the dumps and feeling like hibernating all the time it takes that much more effort to do any of my obligations.  She did suggest maybe just focusing on my diet right now and maybe not going to the gym as much.  I thought about and it seems like a great idea but then I realized I need the gym not only for weightloss but for my anxiety and  SAD.  hmmmm   what to do.... 

Sometimes I feel like a mental case!!!    but I know there has to be a reason why I am different  then the average person.  I believe it is to make me stronger and maybe, just maybe..... when I recover from anxiety, SAD, sleep disorder and my eating disorder.  I can pass on my knowledge to other people out there who suffer from this and  hopefully it will help me be more of a compassionate and empathetic Nurse.   

 I  sometimes wonder why I take the longer road to do things for example with my career it has taken me a long time to figure out what I want to do.  But now that I do know I feel like there is all these road blocks in my way (upgrading my highschool credits to be accepted, OSAP and finiancially being stressed to live and pay for school)  Sometimes I just want to quit and give up.  I don't want pity from people or from my fellow readers.  I am just trying to be honest with myself.  I won't quit!!    Perhaps getting this out in the open will help me see more clearly.    

I do feel like I am perceived as a positive person on the outside, with my friends and family but I am a negative person to myself and slowly I will change that self talk.   My mother is  always telling me "stop being so hard on yourself".  I am going to try to take her advice.

Workout Goals:  Until the middle December (that is when I finish night school and get a month break)  3X  a week instead of 4x .

Eating Goals:  Will stop eating three hours before bed, Drink one diet pop a day and lots of water, and try to stay away from sweets. 

I guess that is my rant for today.  

I hope everyone has a good and healthy eating week!

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