Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Weekly Weight In

I lost a pound this week.   I'm pretty happy about it but I have also noticed my weight fluctuating a lot this month.  

 I am on a math kick tonight here  are some stats on my weight loss thus far:

0.5 -is the number  of pounds I lost this month 
13%- is the body weight I have lost since this journey
38.5%- is where I am at to reach my goal of 100 pounds

I feel pretty positive.   I think the vitamin D is really helping.  Plus refraining from eating after Midnight is helping too!  


 Thanks for reading.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Listening to the kind words you say to others

I was at work speaking to a co-worker who is going through a tough time.  He is very depressed, drinks alcohol to self medicate, shows up late for work and is  sleeping all the time he is a very unhappy 22 year old.  I tried to tell him "Things will get better it just takes time, you have to patient with yourself."   I do relate to him,  it can get frustrating at times when you feel like you are doing the right things and your are still not happy.  But by searching and learning I believe you will find happiness! I am starting to learn something about failure,  be aware of what didn't work, adjust and  try again!

Tomorrow I will begin eating healthy again, of course  it won't be easy but I know if I set my mind to it I can do it! When I am feeling moments of weakness I will think of Pepere ( my grandfather)  He was able to be sober from alcohol for over 30 years, quit smoking cold turkey,  and lose weight.  I want to make him proud!  Today is the  day!  Bring out the pom poms!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Change of Season

Sorry I did not post my  weekly weight in on Monday.  I  did weight myself, but I was not happy with the scale and to be honest I did not want to post the results.  But come on!!  I gotta be real with myself.  I gained 1.5 pounds last week.  So far this month I am up +0.5.    I know it because I eat too much and I am not dealing with my emotions.  

I was speaking to Jen (my BBF)  earlier this week and she made me realize that I have a lot going on in my life with night school,  homework, work, chriopractor, daily household stuff, gym, social life etc. and with me being down in the dumps and feeling like hibernating all the time it takes that much more effort to do any of my obligations.  She did suggest maybe just focusing on my diet right now and maybe not going to the gym as much.  I thought about and it seems like a great idea but then I realized I need the gym not only for weightloss but for my anxiety and  SAD.  hmmmm   what to do.... 

Sometimes I feel like a mental case!!!    but I know there has to be a reason why I am different  then the average person.  I believe it is to make me stronger and maybe, just maybe..... when I recover from anxiety, SAD, sleep disorder and my eating disorder.  I can pass on my knowledge to other people out there who suffer from this and  hopefully it will help me be more of a compassionate and empathetic Nurse.   

 I  sometimes wonder why I take the longer road to do things for example with my career it has taken me a long time to figure out what I want to do.  But now that I do know I feel like there is all these road blocks in my way (upgrading my highschool credits to be accepted, OSAP and finiancially being stressed to live and pay for school)  Sometimes I just want to quit and give up.  I don't want pity from people or from my fellow readers.  I am just trying to be honest with myself.  I won't quit!!    Perhaps getting this out in the open will help me see more clearly.    

I do feel like I am perceived as a positive person on the outside, with my friends and family but I am a negative person to myself and slowly I will change that self talk.   My mother is  always telling me "stop being so hard on yourself".  I am going to try to take her advice.

Workout Goals:  Until the middle December (that is when I finish night school and get a month break)  3X  a week instead of 4x .

Eating Goals:  Will stop eating three hours before bed, Drink one diet pop a day and lots of water, and try to stay away from sweets. 

I guess that is my rant for today.  

I hope everyone has a good and healthy eating week!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Gained 0.5 of a pound :(

I came pretty close to reaching my goal of 1300.  I was 50 calories away.   Gained 0.5 of a pound but will lose 2 next week. 

 It's been an emotional week, Even getting out of bed seems to be a chore!  I am trying to push through it.  This panic and SAD disorder can get the best of me at times it's extremely frustrating when I cannot  do the things I want to do. 

Went to the "Sleep Doctor" today.  He thinks I have Shift Worker Disorder.  Sigh just other thing to add to my list of things.   My goal is to try to wake up and go to bed at the same time.  It won't be the conventional sleep time that most of my friends are use to but this is the job I chose to work.  Maybe This will even help with my weight loss.

Being sleep deprived makes me do some silly things for example : in the past five days I have locked my car keys in the car while  it was still running and in the same week I left my keys in the door...  Needless to say focusing on my  new sleep schedule could help.  (bedtime: 3am, wake  time at 11am)

Night school is coming to end.  One more month and I will never have to take it again.  And also brings me that much closer to my goal of becoming a Nurse.  

Had a really good workout tonight.  I felt so good afterwards my body was thanking me. 

Time for bed!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Pushing your limits

On Monday after a busy night at work.  I dragged my butt to the gym at 1:30am.  I  am glad I did in the end, but it was a struggle.    While I was doing my cardio workout my internal dialog  for most of the 30 minutes  was trying to talk me out of it. The whole time I tried to rationalize in my head  "You worked hard at the restaurant.  Serving customers and  running around  the whole time, just go home, you have no energy for this.  "   but in the end I pushed through it and did the 30 minutes.  I  just wish that it had been more relaxing.  It was pretty exhausting with all that talk in my head. I  much rather the workouts  when  I   am able to tune out! (I was able to burn 3oo calories and this would have not  happened if I didn't push my limits every so often.)

 After my cardio workout I was training towards my push ups goal and I am proud to say I was able to do 15 half push up in a row!  I am still pretty excited about it! I am getting that much closer to my goal!  I cannot wait to conquer it!

My sleep is still out of control but I finally made an appointment with the sleep doctor.  Hopefully there are some other tests that they can try.

On Sunday I  posted  on  Facebook that I was going to do a seven day yoga challenge.  Today is Tuesday and I still have not started.  Tomorrow I will start. I have been feeling a lot of anxiety these days and have been around a lot of negative people especially at work. Hopefully yoga will help with some of this anxiety.  

I feel you can only wallow in  self pity for so long it is more important to make improvements in yourself, instead of wasting energy on the negative.  It's the small changes that Will make you happy in the end!  

What ONE thing can you improve about YOURSELF? 

Monday, November 7, 2011

Down a pound and half!

I hope everyone is having a good Monday!   I just weight myself and  I am down to 235.5 pounds.  It is a loss and I am going to take it!!   Burned 1000 calories last week.  I did not reach my goal of 1300 but I will this week. I  will post later I have to ready for work.  Today is my Friday!  Yipee!

Thursday, November 3, 2011


I just posted my measurements on my blog.  It is on the left side bar.    So far a great week!  Three days of eating healthy and three days of working out.    Looking forward to weighing in next week.   

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Weight In Day

Went on the scale today  I was not happy  : 237 pounds ( up 3+) but instead of my inner voice telling me I am not good enough and I will never lose the rest of this weight. 

I thought I am going to get back on track and I am going to lose the reminder of my goal weight.   I am looking forward to see the scale next Monday with some type of weight loss weight even if it is half pound.

I can remember a past manager telling me if you were to lose one pound a week that would be a total of 52 pounds.  Of course I can do the math but I never really thought about it that way...  Since I always seem to be in hurry to lose the weight.  Something to think about.

Cracked out on Sugar!

  It is 6am and I have not been to bed yet.  After a good night at work and driving some co-workers home it was almost 2:30 am when I entered my apartment door.  Of course when I got home I  needed to tidy up and unwind and this brings us to 6am.   

 Tonight I  kinda had a "last supper" because tomorrow  I am going to start eat healthy again  (no junk food!)   My last supper (binge) consisted of a king size Kit Kat and two boxes of candy (sour watermelons and Swedish berries)

 Now to explain the title cracked on sugar.  I love chocolate, caramel etc but I'm not a huge fan of sour candy or gummies but tonight I decided to have them, needless to say I am so hyped up on sugar!  I now can see why children get so hyperactive on sugar.  I do not  have this effect on chocolate.   I literally feel like I am on speed.

   I can remember when Jen's son ( my best friend) had his first birthday he had cake for the first time and he was all over the place and literally sweating!  Sometime I wonder why we eat sugar at all???

I had a great Halloween weekend!  I  went out on the town  drank and danced a whole lot!  I had vodka raspberry and Diet 7up it was so yummy and low cal.  This year I decided to dress up as Little Red Riding Hood, I looked pretty cute if I do say so myself.  Two year ago  I would have not had the confidence to wear it. It was still a plus size costume but even an average person would have a hard time fitting into a regular Halloween costume unless you are under size of 8.   So my goal for next years Halloween is to fit it to regular sized costume. 

On a side note:  I lost my phone that night I was very drunk and someone was nice enough to find it and return it back to me.  There is still some nice people out there!

Tomorrow is a new day and I am looking forward to it. 

Coming attraction:  Weight in day tomorrow and Tuesday my measurement for the month. 
Last week workout routine:  Did not reach my goal  of 1300 calories.  I was sick most of the week.  I burnt a total of 7oo calories in two workouts. 

This upcoming week am going to smash the 1300 calories mark!