My life hasn't been very interesting lately. It sort of blah for a lack of a better word. My ankle is still bothering me and it is hindering my workouts. I cannot wait till it is fully healed. I have been basically working, sleeping, reading blogs, watching television and feeling a tad bored. I wanted to go out on the town for drinks since I got off early at work but I realized I couldn't justify spending the money. Rob went out with the boys for his annual Christmas Basketball Party. It was nice to have the apartment all to myself.
I am back on track with eating it feels different this time. Enough is Enough! For me there are certain foods I cannot eat and I plan on never eating again because it only leads to trouble and a downward spiral. With this binge/food addiction I have to be abstinence from foods that make me binge. I know it's not going to be easy and some days will be worse then others but I feel more committed then I have in a long time. I am sick of eating my feelings. I am done complaining about my weight and calling myself Fat and Ugly. I truly thought I could eat every food in moderation but now that it is coming up to three years of trying to lose this weight. I have learned it is not possible. I have to say good-bye to some long life friends that have been there for me and who have never judged me. So my dear friends Cookies, Donuts, Chips, Chocolate bars, Ice Cream, Cakes, Pizza it is time to say Good-bye. Thanks for being there when I needed a pick me up. Thanks for helping me to forgot about my problems. Thanks for making me happy when I was so angry and hurt. Thanks for always be there unconditionally but now it is best if we part ways. I need to do this in a healthy way. I need to feel my feelings, all of them good and bad. I will never forget you and I know there will be times when I will think I need your help but I will have to lean on a higher power to get through this.
I am thankful to have mother who taught me how to be strong.
Dear Joy
ReplyDeleteVery well written! People that don't have a food addiction or don't eat to numb their feelings don't have a clue how difficult it is for certain people. I'm so happy you've discovered this about yourself in your thirties. Feeling your emotions .....and not turning to food to numb those feeling is big step towards your recovery and reaching your goals. Sometimes I think some of us have been doing it so long it's now become just a bad habit....never to old to learn something new about yourself. Your entry has given me a lot to think about .. I think Micki would also get a lot from this entry....Love MQ
Thanks Mom! It has bein super hard to feel everything right now especially what I am going through but it truly is one day at a time. Pass this along to Micki...
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