Listening to the kind words you say to others

I was at work speaking to a co-worker who is going through a tough time.  He is very depressed, drinks alcohol to self medicate, shows up late for work and is  sleeping all the time he is a very unhappy 22 year old.  I tried to tell him "Things will get better it just takes time, you have to patient with yourself."   I do relate to him,  it can get frustrating at times when you feel like you are doing the right things and your are still not happy.  But by searching and learning I believe you will find happiness! I am starting to learn something about failure,  be aware of what didn't work, adjust and  try again!

Tomorrow I will begin eating healthy again, of course  it won't be easy but I know if I set my mind to it I can do it! When I am feeling moments of weakness I will think of Pepere ( my grandfather)  He was able to be sober from alcohol for over 30 years, quit smoking cold turkey,  and lose weight.  I want to make him proud!  Today is the  day!  Bring out the pom poms!

Change of Season

Sorry I did not post my  weekly weight in on Monday.  I  did weight myself, but I was not happy with the scale and to be honest I did not want to post the results.  But come on!!  I gotta be real with myself.  I gained 1.5 pounds last week.  So far this month I am up +0.5.    I know it because I eat too much and I am not dealing with my emotions.  

I was speaking to Jen (my BBF)  earlier this week and she made me realize that I have a lot going on in my life with night school,  homework, work, chriopractor, daily household stuff, gym, social life etc. and with me being down in the dumps and feeling like hibernating all the time it takes that much more effort to do any of my obligations.  She did suggest maybe just focusing on my diet right now and maybe not going to the gym as much.  I thought about and it seems like a great idea but then I realized I need the gym not only for weightloss but for my anxiety and  SAD.  hmmmm   what to do.... 

Sometimes I feel like a mental case!!!    but I know there has to be a reason why I am different  then the average person.  I believe it is to make me stronger and maybe, just maybe..... when I recover from anxiety, SAD, sleep disorder and my eating disorder.  I can pass on my knowledge to other people out there who suffer from this and  hopefully it will help me be more of a compassionate and empathetic Nurse.   

 I  sometimes wonder why I take the longer road to do things for example with my career it has taken me a long time to figure out what I want to do.  But now that I do know I feel like there is all these road blocks in my way (upgrading my highschool credits to be accepted, OSAP and finiancially being stressed to live and pay for school)  Sometimes I just want to quit and give up.  I don't want pity from people or from my fellow readers.  I am just trying to be honest with myself.  I won't quit!!    Perhaps getting this out in the open will help me see more clearly.    

I do feel like I am perceived as a positive person on the outside, with my friends and family but I am a negative person to myself and slowly I will change that self talk.   My mother is  always telling me "stop being so hard on yourself".  I am going to try to take her advice.

Workout Goals:  Until the middle December (that is when I finish night school and get a month break)  3X  a week instead of 4x .

Eating Goals:  Will stop eating three hours before bed, Drink one diet pop a day and lots of water, and try to stay away from sweets. 

I guess that is my rant for today.  

I hope everyone has a good and healthy eating week!

Gained 0.5 of a pound :(

I came pretty close to reaching my goal of 1300.  I was 50 calories away.   Gained 0.5 of a pound but will lose 2 next week. 

 It's been an emotional week, Even getting out of bed seems to be a chore!  I am trying to push through it.  This panic and SAD disorder can get the best of me at times it's extremely frustrating when I cannot  do the things I want to do. 

Went to the "Sleep Doctor" today.  He thinks I have Shift Worker Disorder.  Sigh just other thing to add to my list of things.   My goal is to try to wake up and go to bed at the same time.  It won't be the conventional sleep time that most of my friends are use to but this is the job I chose to work.  Maybe This will even help with my weight loss.

Being sleep deprived makes me do some silly things for example : in the past five days I have locked my car keys in the car while  it was still running and in the same week I left my keys in the door...  Needless to say focusing on my  new sleep schedule could help.  (bedtime: 3am, wake  time at 11am)

Night school is coming to end.  One more month and I will never have to take it again.  And also brings me that much closer to my goal of becoming a Nurse.  

Had a really good workout tonight.  I felt so good afterwards my body was thanking me. 

Time for bed!

Pushing your limits

On Monday after a busy night at work.  I dragged my butt to the gym at 1:30am.  I  am glad I did in the end, but it was a struggle.    While I was doing my cardio workout my internal dialog  for most of the 30 minutes  was trying to talk me out of it. The whole time I tried to rationalize in my head  "You worked hard at the restaurant.  Serving customers and  running around  the whole time, just go home, you have no energy for this.  "   but in the end I pushed through it and did the 30 minutes.  I  just wish that it had been more relaxing.  It was pretty exhausting with all that talk in my head. I  much rather the workouts  when  I   am able to tune out! (I was able to burn 3oo calories and this would have not  happened if I didn't push my limits every so often.)

 After my cardio workout I was training towards my push ups goal and I am proud to say I was able to do 15 half push up in a row!  I am still pretty excited about it! I am getting that much closer to my goal!  I cannot wait to conquer it!

My sleep is still out of control but I finally made an appointment with the sleep doctor.  Hopefully there are some other tests that they can try.

On Sunday I  posted  on  Facebook that I was going to do a seven day yoga challenge.  Today is Tuesday and I still have not started.  Tomorrow I will start. I have been feeling a lot of anxiety these days and have been around a lot of negative people especially at work. Hopefully yoga will help with some of this anxiety.  

I feel you can only wallow in  self pity for so long it is more important to make improvements in yourself, instead of wasting energy on the negative.  It's the small changes that Will make you happy in the end!  

What ONE thing can you improve about YOURSELF?