Sunday, September 25, 2011

Thinking? Planning? Doing?

I sometimes wonder.... Do I give myself enough credit?  Do I do enough to get this weight off?  Why do I sabotage  when I think I am on the right track?  Why do I hate myself so much?

These are the things I think about.....

I  planned on working out 5 times this week.  I worked out 3.

1. Zumba
2. 4o minutes of cardio with my best friend
3. 30 minutes of cardio and 20 minutes of weight circuit

total 1357

Although this is a good start I am so disappointment for not pushing myself harder! There is no reason why I couldn't work out five times other then I was tired.   It is like I do not want to succeed.  Why I am so afraid to reach my goal weight?   What is really stopping me?  

I am trying to be as honest as possible.  It is hard for me and even embarrassing  to write my weight down and to say that  I am food addicted. 

I know what to do, to lose weight.  Eating right and working out.  Calories in = Calories out.  It is  simple!  But have a food addiction makes it complicated. This is a  my challenge to overcome. 

Over eating does make me happy and either does not eating the sugary things I love. So what do I do??? 

For starters deal with the things that are bothering me and find OTHER  outlets to deal with my emotions.

It is kinda like my panic disorder in a way.  I have panic disorder because I not willing to deal with what is bothering me and it comes out as a panic attack.  I know if I start feeling  anxious and focus on my body's responds I panic more and become afraid.   If I actually focus on what is bothering me and breath.  I began to calm down and know the anxiety will pass.  

Writing this down makes me realize  when I get the urge to binge or eat the wrong foods I have to breathe and deal with what is bothering me. I know this will not be easy but I have to believe it can be done.  Because the way I am living right now is not really living. I am constantly obsessing over my body.   I need to start feeling good about myself.

What positive things did I do this week?  

1.Worked out 3 times

2.Organized a budget for myself and have been imputing everything I spend.

3. Went to night school twice this week.  ( I was really embarrassed about taking a high school class at my age, 31 but I am proud that I didn't quit and I am actually learning and understanding what I am doing)

4. Talked to my manager about my shifts  ( This is something that has been stressing me out for weeks.   I have been working at the restaurant for 5 years now and I asked for certain shifts to work which my manager gave me none.  Today I confronted him and I am at least getting two of the shifts I want.  I am glad this is sorted out and I am proud that I stood up for myself)

Getting super tired,  I worked an 11 hour shift. 

Things to focus on for the upcoming week

1. go to an OA meeting
2. deal with my emotions properly
3. cook extra meals so  I won't be tempted to binge. 

Will write back during the week.

What healthy way do you deal with your emotions?

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