Saturday, April 13, 2013

I don't understand???

I am feeling pretty upset at the moment. I can't call anyone because its the middle of the night. Rob is sleeping and he has had a long day. I don't want to eat my feelings so here I am. I don't understand why sometimes people either dismiss me, don't get me or treat me badly. It's hurtful, disappointing and makes me feel like I don't matter. I know I have a lot of faults but that doesn't me I am a bad person. I try to be there for people us much as I can. The one time I stick up for myself it blows up in my face and makes me feel worse! I know if people treat me badly that i should say the hell with them but I am a person who cares a lot about my friends and family. I would never intentionally go out of my way to hurt them. I know I have to suck it up and think of all the good things in my life and the goals I am working towards.

But why am I feeling so....... I can't even explain it.

Change in life is a given but why does it have to feel so uncomfortable??!

I sometimes feel like I am trying to live in a world that is not meant for me. Working at night and being awake late at night is very different then the norm. And a lot of people just don't get it??? People don't understand why I jog at two in the morning. I work till midnight or later and
I want to commit to my goals. If someone who works 9 to 5 goes for a workout after that doesn't seem strange to me. Going somewhere for breakfast at 930am which is normal for a lot of people. Would be like me asking the norm to go for a cup of coffee at 1 am but people don't  see that either because they don't care or they think something is wrong with me!

I don't even know if this makes sense but it had been weighting on my mind.

I'm not saying that no one gets it but the majority does not. I'm not sure why it still bothers me what people think of me??? I guess that is something I am still working on.

This helped and I didn't binge :).

Sorry for the rant....


  1. You did the right thing by writing in your blog. Your circle of friends are people that work 9 to 5 so you stand out but remember police man, doctors , nurses, mill workers & other hospitality workers would understand your schedule.( Who do these 9-5 people see when they need a Doctor or a nurse at 3:00 a.m.?? .) People that like to work nights so be proud little night owl... Expressing how you feel to people sometimes takes practice , and sometimes those people are having a really bad day and unintentionally take it on the people they love and care the most about. You are kind , caring , bright women with a wonderful sense of humor that's learning a lot about herself. Be kind to yourself on this wonderful journey... .....Love Mom Q

  2. What I think hurts us all is that at the end of the day most people care about themselves far more then others. I think when you often put others before yourself it's tough because you do think well I wouldn't do that how can they? I think it's all about balance. It's tough to see sometimes people are just looking out for themselves and maybe not as considerate as they could be, but we all have to look after ourselves. No matter what end of the spectrum you are on, there are lessons in both approaches. When I feel myself feeling dismissed, not heard or frustrated I sometimes look at whether or not I really am expressing my needs or what I need from someone. Am I expecting them to be psychic and I am putting judgement in there. Taking out the judgement and just explaining and clarifying sometimes has helped me not feel negative, or hurt. Just being like that doesn't work for me, or here's how it is and laying out what my challenges are.

    Using your voice and asserting yourself takes time and practice and it's rough and hard. Dealing with the fallout and people's emotions is not easy. I can say that it gets easier, and dealing with the fall out does to. You only have to look after you and know what you're doing is right for you how someone else deals with it is on them.