Goal # 4 completed!

I finally tried Spin class.  It was hard and challenging but I am happy and proud of myself that I did it!  After a 45 minute class I was a sweaty mess and sore!  Those seats aren't very big.  If I get serious about spin I think I would invest in some padded shorts.  It was great to go with Jen she is a great workout buddy.  I will let you know how I feel tomorrow.  I posted on Facebook that I tried it for the first time and I had a lot of postive responses.  I am really lucky to have a good support system.

Heading in the right direction

Good News!!! I happen to be looking in the reflection in my window and I randomly flexed my arms.  I saw a definiton in my right arm.  I paused and thought this cant be? So I headed directly to the bathroom and flexed again and and it was there again ! You can definity see a line.  I am that much closer to completing my goal of having defined arms.  It is the little changes I have to focus on. 

  I had a great workout at the gym 20 minutes of weights and a 30 minute sweat session on a new machine.    It is always great to try new things.  

I  also have my eating back on track!!!  Like my best friend told me last week "one step back two steps forward"  

I also suppose to do a spin class tomorrow. I hope there is room for us !   I am a little nervous but I can do it!   I will get my bbf to take a picture and will post later to show I completed one of my goals!  

Should get to sleep busy day ahead of me! 

Do you notice any small weightloss changes?  

Thinking? Planning? Doing?

I sometimes wonder.... Do I give myself enough credit?  Do I do enough to get this weight off?  Why do I sabotage  when I think I am on the right track?  Why do I hate myself so much?

These are the things I think about.....

I  planned on working out 5 times this week.  I worked out 3.

1. Zumba

2. 4o minutes of cardio with my best friend

3. 30 minutes of cardio and 20 minutes of weight circuit

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Although this is a good start I am so disappointment for not pushing myself harder! There is no reason why I couldn't work out five times other then I was tired.   It is like I do not want to succeed.  Why I am so afraid to reach my goal weight?   What is really stopping me?  

I am trying to be as honest as possible.  It is hard for me and even embarrassing  to write my weight down and to say that  I am food addicted. 

I know what to do, to lose weight.  Eating right and working out.  Calories in = Calories out.  It is  simple!  But have a food addiction makes it complicated. This is a  my challenge to overcome. 

Over eating does make me happy and either does not eating the sugary things I love. So what do I do??? 

For starters deal with the things that are bothering me and find OTHER  outlets to deal with my emotions.

It is kinda like my panic disorder in a way.  I have panic disorder because I not willing to deal with what is bothering me and it comes out as a panic attack.  I know if I start feeling  anxious and focus on my body's responds I panic more and become afraid.   If I actually focus on what is bothering me and breath.  I began to calm down and know the anxiety will pass.  

Writing this down makes me realize  when I get the urge to binge or eat the wrong foods I have to breathe and deal with what is bothering me. I know this will not be easy but I have to believe it can be done.  Because the way I am living right now is not really living. I am constantly obsessing over my body.   I need to start feeling good about myself.

What positive things did I do this week?  

1.Worked out 3 times

2.Organized a budget for myself and have been imputing everything I spend.

3. Went to night school twice this week.  ( I was really embarrassed about taking a high school class at my age, 31 but I am proud that I didn't quit and I am actually learning and understanding what I am doing)

4. Talked to my manager about my shifts  ( This is something that has been stressing me out for weeks.   I have been working at the restaurant for 5 years now and I asked for certain shifts to work which my manager gave me none.  Today I confronted him and I am at least getting two of the shifts I want.  I am glad this is sorted out and I am proud that I stood up for myself)

Getting super tired,  I worked an 11 hour shift. 

Things to focus on for the upcoming week

1. go to an OA meeting

2. deal with my emotions properly

3. cook extra meals so  I won't be tempted to binge. 

Will write back during the week.


What healthy way do you deal with your emotions?

Fall is time for changes!

Although I do not like the cold weather that is  creeping upon us.   I do enjoy fall routines and new adventures!  Busy season at the restaurant has started. Thank gawd!! That means more money to pay off Mr. Visa and Mrs. Student Loans.  Which equals Less stress!    I also started night school tonight to help me towards my goal  of becoming a nurse.   It is a little dull but I'm trying to be optimistic about it.   At least my nutty Chinese teacher is hilirous she kinda of reminds of my step mom but that is a whole different story.

With new routines there is an adjustment period.  I am trying to figure out, when I can schedule my workouts.  I would love to have set days and times  to go.  That way I don't have to spent time actually thinking or negotiating with myself when I should go.  I can almost treat it like a job and not think twice about it.  It might be dull to read but I would like to write it down to show a concrete plan.

Monday-  Weights and Cardio after work.  Around Midnight - one am

Tuesday- Cardio 50 mins.  after class 10pm

Wednesday- Cardio class 5:30 (Yoga or Zumba)

Thursday- Cardio session with my bestie 12:30pm or after night school 10pm

Friday- Cardio eirther  after work 7pm or before work 3pm

Saturday- Rest

Sunday- Rest

I don't know how much I will stick to this plan but I am going  to certainly try. 

As for eating I'm going to start preparing meals to bring to work and night school. That way I won't be tempted to stop by a drive-thru or a vending machine. 

Do you have any healthy recipes I can try????? 

Calories

I burned 900 calories so far this week. I am going to try to aim for 2000 total for the week.  Keep you posted.

Time for bed

Night!

Ups and Downs

Today I am trying to figure out why I go through such bad days.  I know everyone goes through it but my lows seem really low.  I forget all the good things I do and focus on the negative. 

Why did my day suck?   and  make me feel like SHIT for a lack of a better word.

1. I went to bed early then woke up at 1am and couldn't fall back asleep till 5am only to wake up again at 9 a.m.

2. Was running late for my chiropractor appointment only to wait ten minutes and worry that I would be late for work.

3.  Stood around at work for three hours before it started to get busy. 

4. Had to work with an anal retentive bartender who thinks it is the norm to be rude to customers which effected my tips!

5. Feeling under appreciated at work especially from my manager.

6.  Had to sit in traffic forever and listen to my brakes make the most annoying break sound in the world.  Think of nails on a chalk board..   

7. Started to feel anxious in the evening and to calm myself down  I chose  to eat bad food.  

8.. Then  started feeling guilty for my bad choices.

After looking at this.  I can see why my day sucked but it still does not give me a reason to binge eat.  I have to find another way to calm myself down in a healthier manner.

Now for the positive things that happened today

Thinking.......

Thinking.....

1. Got a great hug from Rob today when I was feeling crappy.

2. Spoke to my friend Cass about her trip to NY City.  It was really nice talking to her.

3. Got to work outside in the sunshine.

4. Received a really nice compliment from Rob

5. Made a lot of customers smile even though I had a grumpy bartender beside me draining me of my energy

New beginnings

Today was a good day.  I ate healthy and after work I went to the gym.  I am a waitress so, I tend to work late nights  Tonight wasn't too bad.  I was off at Midnight. Some people might think I am nuts  to work out after my shift but I am such a night owl so it works for me!  I really pushed myself at the gym I was a sweaty mess by the end!   I did a twenty minute weight circuit and 30 minutes on the stationary bike. At one point  I had  the entire gym to myself.  I watched  extreme coupon for the first time while I was there, that is one crazy show! It takes a lot of work to be able to save all that money.  I probably would do it if it was available here in Canada. 

I have been noticing something about  myself in the last couple of weeks.  I  look at myself in a reflection and think it has to be one of those trick mirrors!!!  But when I slowly walk closer to a mirror or a reflection I realize its me!!   My hips and thighs are a lot smaller then I realize. 

Has anyone lost a significant amount of weight and had the same reaction?

It is pretty Late.  Until next time!

Goals

I was reviewing the goals I want to achieve and  I am going to focus on  getting into a size 14 and trying a Spin class.  


I am  going to see if my BFF will come with me so she can take a picture of my sweaty self lol.  My mantra when I am doing Cardio will Be "Size 14 Size 14"  This week I am going to do an hour of cardio a day and burn 2000 calories.  I will keep you posted on my week!  


How many calories can you burn this week?

Eating Junkfood = Self Sabatage

The last 24 hours have not been the greatest.  So instead of dealing with my feelings  I binged.  Logically I know, it is not right but still I did it.  It does not make my problems better or solve anything.  I am trying to be as honest as I can.  It is scary to do but I feel this will help me realize the changes I need to do in terms of the way I cope with my feels.  I am not going to let this get me down or let it divert me from my goals. I believe this is part of the process.  Of course people would love to read a perfect weight loss journey but that is not life there will be ups, downs, achievements and disappointments.  That is what I want to show to others and myself.  I will not give up!

 I have to start loving all of me.  Even my cellulite, my thighs, stomach, loose skin,  and crowded teeth!  All the things I hate about myself. This has been going on for years and will not change over night but it something I am going to work towards.  Maybe if I get rid of the hate I will start loving all of me??

Something to think about.

Tomorrow is a new day. I will go for a long walk and eat right tomorrow.

What do you think YOU can improve about your self worth??

Night

First day of Blogging

Hello fellow blogger: 

I have been on a weight loss journey for the last year and a half.  In the first eight months I was able to lose 50 pounds by using "The South Beach Diet".  After that I hit a plateau for a couple of months and was not able to lose anything!  But then my metabolism kicked in and I was able to lose another 10 pounds but unfortunately that did not last long and I was stuck at 50 pounds loss.   

This past April I got sick for over two months and gained 16 pounds.   But I was not going to let that get me down.   I decided I needed a new way of eating so I have been on "The 17 day diet"  (it is a  way of eating for me and not really a diet)  I also took a hard look at myself and realized I have an addiction to food especially sugar.   So I decided to try OA (over eaters anonymous)  I have been to three meetings and so far I like it and it makes me feel not so alone.  I feel it is another tool that can help me towards weight loss and sanity!  

You are probably wondering what weight I started at and what weight  I am now. 

Starting weight:  274

Lowest weight since I've started: 217

Current weight: 229 

Pounds lost: 45 pounds to date

Biggest pant size: 24

Current pant size: 16/18

Biggest shirt size: 2x to 3x

Current shirt size: large to x-large

You are probably wondering why after a year and half  am I starting this blog? 

Well the answer is quite simple I need motivation and to have  concrete goals to work towards.   I recently been following a blog (whoatemyblog.com)  and he had a section in his blog about milestones he wanted to reach.   I thought it was a great idea so I decided to follow his lead.   (you should really checkout his website it is very inspirational)

Before I list what I would like to accomplish I thought I would show you a before picture and a midway point. 

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This is me at my heaviest on my 29th Birthday with my best friend.  I am the one on the right BTW ha ha  



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I'm making a funny face in this photo but it is the only body shot I have








Here are my weight loss milestones I would like to accomplish in the next year.



1. To weigh less than my boyfriend

Currently he weighs 199 (He just lost 13 pounds and I am very proud him!  I just have to push that much harder to pass him)  Also this would be a first for me to weight less then Any boyfriend. 

2. Zip Lining

3. Rock climbing

(This is something I have always wanted to do but was always worried I would be too heavy to complete.)

4. Spin class completed

5. To weigh under 200 

I want to be "oneder land"  for you biggest loser fans!

6. To weigh under 180 

( I have not been that weight since I was 16 years old and I am 31 now)

7. To fit into a size 14 pant

8. To fit into a size 10 pant

( The last time I fit into a size 10 I was probably 12 or 13 years old)

9. Sky diving (sort of)

 There is a place in Montreal that simulates sky diving.  I wanted to try it for my 30th birthday but you had to be under 230.   

10. To fit into a Solid Medium 

11. To return to Tae Kwon Do and receive my Black Belt

It has been five years since I have gone I have my green belt as of yet.

12. To do a Tri Tri

(A mini triathlon swimming, running and cycling)

13. To wear a bikini

(The last time I wore one was maybe when I was eight it has been a long time!)

14. To be able to Run a 10km in an hour

(I did try a 10km about three years ago but I did it in an hour and 40mins)

15. To have no Back Fat

(I loath my back fat and I cannot wait till this is all gone)

16. To be able to sit in a chair with none of my thighs hanging off the side of the chair)

17. To be able to 20  full push ups in a row

(Currently I cannot to one, however I have starting doing half push ups)

18. To have definition in my arms

Over the course of the year I will either have videos or pictures to show that I have accomplished my weight loss goals and the struggles I might incur in the next year.  Wish me Luck!